you said you "play many roles" what roles do you play? are you talking about being native and being white or something else?
Asked by Anonymous
I was referring to my personality, not so much being biracial, although I would be remiss if I excluded those roles. When I wrote that I was referring to roles that I live up to now and in the past. I have always had to protect others, especially my older brother, and to do this I took on a role: the rebel, the strong, cruel, spoiled, child. I became the center of negative attention to spare him further abuse. I pretend to be aggressive and courageous, and cruel, when in reality I am as timid as a rabbit and as skiddish as a deer. I became everyone’s scapegoat because they could not endure punishments like I could. Even as a small child I knew all the abusive people were wrong and I didn’t let anything anyone said or did lower my self-esteem. In a way, I was the lucky one; I didn’t internalize the abuse the way everyone else did. I did what I had to, to get what I wanted.
I am never real with anyone; because it is never safe to do so.