I do not have an eating disorder because of “hating” the way I look.

I have an eating disorder because ever since I was a small child withholding food was a common punishment and neglect was a daily issue. Whenever there was food I would make sure my siblings ate; and now that I am a mother I feel guilty over eating anything because it could be taking away from her. Luckily we have enough food to sustain both of us but that doesn’t cure my fears or guilt.

I am fat because when I do eat/drink something it is high in fat and my body  is in starvation mode and retains everything I eat. I eat every three to five days. I drink tea everyday (with sugar). I know my diet is not as it should be but I cannot bring myself to eat properly.