I get a lot of messages saying “you are so calm” when discussing racism, white privilege, and rape, and I used to take that as a compliment. Yes, I can stay calm when people try to hurt me. But the more I hear this “compliment” being given to others I start boiling with anger. Why is staying calm a compliment? Does that mean the alternative is anger/impulsivity and that is somehow bad? I have a right to be angry (or sad, or calm, etc); I have a right to hurt those who are trying to hurt me. Being calm didn’t help me and it certainly doesn’t help those I am calm towards. All it has shown is that I am kinder to them than they are to me; so, in a sense, I let them off-the-hook. I reinforced their terrible behavior because I gave them no consequences. They deserve consequences to their actions. I got complimented for being passive… I got complimented for allowing racist/harmful people to be harmful in my presence and those who see my posts.