I admitted who I was
And I was rejected.
Tonight we had a meeting at the office, making decisions in how to use our money to enrich the lives of the students in the program. My father has been the teacher in the “men’s retreat” since it began. Boys in the program, their big brother, dad,uncle, grandpa, etc goes with them up to mt. Lassen and they learn indigenous survival skills, hunting, and crafting. Now that my father is on his deathbed, they are looking for a man to take his place. Well not to toot my own horn but I am the only other person in or near this program who can teach these skills. So I asked for the position. They said that because I am a “woman” I cannot teach it. I told them I not a woman or a man, perhaps both, perhaps neither. I had only told very few people about being non-binary or my questioning what I am (I am still not sure if I fit under any label I have read about thus far) and they brushed it off as a phase or were unnecessessarily sympathetic. Everyone tonight looked disgusted by my announcement. So I went further to say “there is no representation of transgendered and non-binary people in our program” and my boss literally replied with “good!”.
Did I mention my boss is white, not native at all, in fact he brags about being “purely” white. He doesn’t belong in our fucking program (American Indian education program) yet he is making me feel unwelcome?
Why do I do hours of volunteering, buying materials that I will never get reimbursed for (even though they are supposed to supply all my materials), why do i give and give and give and teach and teach and teach, just to be treated like a disgusting work mule?