There is a toxic question that surrounds abused women: “why didn’t she just leave him?”

The answer, too often, is that many women that do leave get killed.

“The thing that I did not know that was so revealing to me was that anywhere between 50% and 75% of domestic violence homicides happen at the point of separation or after [the victim] has already left [her abuser],” says Cynthia Hill, director of HBO’s Private Violence.

“When I met Kit Gruelle, she would always point out: ‘Estranged husband. Ex-husband. Ex-boyfriend. Estranged boyfriend.’ It was always that she had tried to leave. She had done exactly what we think they’re supposed to do and she dies. And her children die.”